Mizkif dropped a series of candid messages in his Twitch channel’s offline chat admitting to past anabolic steroid use and heavy psychedelic drug use while revealing struggles with suicidal thoughts and self-harm.
The OTK co-founder wrote that he took steroids during his time in Austin and that they gave him “insane anger issues.” He said he’s been off them for about a year but noted “you can’t just get off it” easily.
More striking was his admission about psilocybin mushrooms. Mizkif revealed he took shrooms every day for roughly two years in an attempt to “fix my brain.” He said the daily use “destroyed me” and warned viewers to “never take shrooms when depressed.”
He described disturbing self-harm behavior while under the influence. “I would take my head and push it into my pool trying to drown myself,” he wrote. He also shared that since 2022 while living in Austin, he envisions different ways of killing myself every time he closes his eyes.
Mizkif said he also tried LSD but that it “backfired” on him.
The messages came as he addressed what he called a history of wrongdoing on Twitch. He asked his community not to harass anyone and said he’s been working on himself hard for the past year.
The timing aligns with major controversies in Mizkif’s recent history. In 2022 he caught a lot of heat over allegations he downplayed sexual assault claims involving his then-roommate CrazySlick. OTK temporarily placed him on leave before bringing him back after an internal review.
Recently, Emiru made public statements alleging emotionally abusive behavior and threats from Mizkif during their relationship. He responded with his own stream addressing her claims.
Mizkif has since relocated from Austin to Los Angeles. He contrasted his current mental state with his time in Austin and said the substance use was a short-term attempt to fix deeper problems that backfired badly.
Therapy and accountability
He told viewers he’s been in therapy for almost a year and that he takes “full accountability for who I was.” Mizkif said he was embarrassed about his steroid use at the time and didn’t want viewers to know.
Despite acknowledging he “lashed out” and “hurt so many people,” Mizkif expressed pride in his recent progress. He wrote that he feels “more normal than ever” now.
